rest in peace grandpa

I was awaken by a called from my dad at 0407 (JST) on this morning.
I thought I was dreaming when I saw my dad's caller ID appearing on my phone.
I answered the called and I heard my dad's hesitation from the other side.

"Sharon.... grandpa has passed away" he said.
"Huh? What?"
"Grandpa has passed away"
"HUH?! Why so sudden? WHY??!"
"He has passed away...."
"WHY???!"
"I'll talk to you later."   that was his last sentence before hanging up the phone.

My paternal grandfather has passed away on this day.
And I can't even go back home to attend grandpa's wake and funeral.
What a "filial" granddaughter I am.

And this remind me of something that really upset me.

Just one month ago when I was in Malaysia, my grandpa held his 75th birthday dinner with family and relatives.
My dad, uncle and even my grandma persuaded me to attend this dinner but I turned them down.
I remember my grandma even told me if I'm sure that I don't wanna go back to visit my grandpa cause maybe I won't be able to see him anymore if I don't do it now (back then).
I thought she was joking and things isn't as bad as she said.

The reason I turned them down was because I need to be back to Japan the day after I came back from Perak to Kedah. All the journey will be exhausting and I don't wanna miss out anything regarding my luggage.
Come to think of it, I was really stupid.

And I remember once my grandma asked me
"Will you be back if I passed away?"
"Of course I will grandma! For sure!" I answered.
And now, I have to rethink of what I have said.
Things isn't as easy as what we said and think.
Things that we planed may be harder and complicated than reality and the reality is I can't even miss any of the lectures involving experiments.

Now I even feel that studying in overseas is just a crap when you cannot be with the one you love and care. 
Please do appreciate every moment you have with your family and friends before everything changes.
I never really did something that made me feel regret but this one is undeniable and painstaking hurtful experience.  

Grandpa....
I didn't even have the feeling of losing him until I read the obituary.
I heartily wish that he will rest in peace in God's hand.